My roommate is a teacher in the Chicago Public School system. He happens to teach in the same school as his mother, who gave her class a special assignment. The assignment was to create a coat of arms, then to write an essay about the significance of the symbolism that the student included in the design.
One of the students wrote the most exquisite piece of literature I have ever seen. Shakespeare would cry if he read this. When my roommate described the essay to me, at first, I didn’t believe him. Then he called his mom to prove to me that it was real. And then he brought home the essay.
I am warning you: This is truly THE BEST ESSAY I HAVE EVER READ. It is THE BEST ESSAY YOU WILL EVER READ. I promise that it’s 100% real.
What follows is the essay, with the student’s identity hidden. I had to obscure the student’s identity with an extremely high-tech instrument known as Dr. Fart, which is a flatulence noise simulator that you can put on your keychain. It is so high-tech, it caused a little bit of visual distortion at the top of the document, but that is the price we must pay for the use of such superior technology. This simulator has six different noises, which are all unique and can be used in different situations as necessary. I won it at Dave and Buster’s.
You done good, son. You done real good.
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